Monday, 8 October 2007

Pregnant and waiting

I'm pregnant. My inital delight and joy, thank God! has now been replaced by a low lying mist of depression while I wait for it all to go wrong.

Everyday I examine my cervical mucus, looking for those traces of blood, which mean (another) miscarriage is on the way.

It took me a week to pluck up the courage to go the doctor and give them a urine sample - even though I'd tested postive the day before my period was due. I need to book an appointment but I just think, "why bother now, I'll end up going for an early scan anyhow, why not wait and see that happens".

I just want to be over this, I want to be 12 weeks and pregnant, I want to be happy and for everything to be okay. I don't want to got through this whole miscarriage thing again.


Tina said...

I am hoping this PG turns out better in the end for you... The waiting part - to see if a baby will come home, or if your nightmare is to begin again - is the hardest to get through. I am in this again myself...and scared half to death.

Kristen said...

I am so terribly late reading this news but wanted to send my congrats! I hope the next 8 months go by smoothly and surely. I'm thinking of and praying for you. XOXO